Why are men so scared of marriage?
Why modern independent women fret about union so much?
Why
a married woman tells everyone that the courtship period was the best?
Why
divorce rates are rising alarmingly?
Is
marriage really that dreadful and gory?
Or is
it just the fear of spending the rest of your life with that one person; sleeping
besides him every night and waking up to him next to you every morning?
Is it
the fear of sheer monotony?
I know
I have probably asked you too many questions at once but think about it
seriously. Why is the topic of matrimony so infamous amidst the youth these
days?
Even
a relationship, the so called “girlfriend-boyfriend” THING gets monotonous
after six months. The couple fights even when they are dating and breaks up
when it gets too much. Is breaking up the solution?
You
will probably be with another person, get bored, fight and break up again. It will
only be a series of break ups before you end up being lonely and alone.
Is the
ease that one has in breaking up a relationship the reason why marriage is not
preferred? Because DIVORCE somehow sounds more serious than a break up?
But
then if that is the case why is the number of divorces hitting a soaring high?
Even
though we all love the glorious “being-single” days we cannot be alone forever.
We all need some stability in life. We all need someone to share our lives
with. We all need to get married someday. I call it companionship.
I have
been married for a year and a half and known my husband for a little over two
years now. Courtship was not really the best time of my life like every married
woman promises.
I mean
it was nice. It felt like going out for weekly dates. There were these little gestures that told
me he cares. But it was nothing extraordinary. Infact I feel things got more
special after we got married.
Generally,
a guy woos a girl insanely while they are in their courtship. The girl will be
dressed to kill just for the boy. But once
they get married they get so comfortable that they stop wooing each other.
This
is where the couples make a mistake and the monotony sinks in.
The
couple stops dating.
Either
one of the two people in any marriage begins to sway when boredom starts seeping
in. Then he/she requires a new source of entertainment, be it insane drinking
with his/her yet to be married guy or girl friends or getting involved in an
extra marital affair.
But
why reach that stage, I ask. I know every relationship hits its emotionally low
point and that is absolutely fine but it does not mean that you simply choose to take an exit.
Why
not keep marriage exciting always. Why not put in the same effort that you had
put in when you tried to get the very same girl you are married to today?
Husbands
and wives do not need expensive gestures all the time. Little ones every now
and then keep the relationship alive. So do not give up on each other.
Giving
a few examples from what my husband and I do, just take a cue at the nature of
little but cute gestures.
- My husband has a meeting; he spots a Starbucks outlet
opposite the place and buys my favourite “lemon loaf cake”. Cost = 125 INR.
-
I know he has had a long tiring day; there is some chicken
already in the freezer. I cook him a chicken
curry he absolutely loves. Cost = FREE!
- I make him origami
pigeons with YOU and ME written on their wings. Cost = FREE!
|
Made him these love birds :) |
-
I write him silly poems. Cost = PRICELESS
- He thanks me posting that poem on facebook (*eyes rolling*
BUT *blush* AND *coy smile*). Cost = PRICELESS!
|
my poem posted on fb |
Now
these few examples that I shared would sound really stupid to some and some
might go “AWWW” (I belong to the latter category :p).
I know
every individual is different, but the point is that one MUST express. And I literally
mean EXPRESS. Just because you know in
your heart that you love her does not mean that she would not mind those three words
coming out from your lips.
Lets be honest, his
parents will go someday and yours also will. Your kids will grow up and
have their own lives. The only one you will have next to you ALL the
time will be your spouse. So celebrate each other. Do not forget each
other while fulfilling life's obligations.
Keep dating. Boy you continue to put in some effort to keep her interested
and girl, you better keep yourself prim and proper for him and for yourself
ofcourse! You two are probably too busy with your social circles, but do go out
for a date once in a while and I DO NOT mean a double date but just the two of
you.
Before
I got married my mom and I used to go out for coffee. Alright we could have
made coffee at home also, then why go out? I realised it is because when you
are at home you are doing your own separate things. But going to a different
place with a different ambience gives you a chance to talk, to catch up even
being in the same house. We always ended up talking about things we had never
thought we would talk about (Mom, I miss our coffee dates :( ).
I apply
the same philosophy to marriage. The couple has to get out for these, lunch,
dinner, movie and coffee dates to keep discovering new things about each other.
If you have got kids leave them with the grandparents for a day, believe me
they will love it too! (I say so, because my parents did so off and on. They were
happy. We were happy.)
One
has to understand that as a relationship grows older the two individuals also
evolve and so there are new things to learn about each other. There is much
more to explore as you grow older together.
And
then they disparage marriage calling it monotonous! HUH!!
Marriage
is a job you have to go to for the rest of your life. And yes you have to work
at it! Give it your best shot. Don’t you work your a** off to get that measly raise?
Then why a little effort in this job hurt so much.
Marriage
is a life long journey. So always keep the vehicle’s tank called love full. If that
empty sign starts blinking, do not stop the car and take a cab. It is just a
signal telling you to get the fuel.
Falling
in love is easy. Falling out of it is even easier. But falling in love over and
over again with the very same person is the real task.
I do
not hold a Masters degree in “Marriage” but being with my crazy yet adorable
husband for two years now I have understood a few fundamentals of this appalling
subject.
Respect your spouse. Love
him/her. Make him/her your priority. And
everything else in life will just fall in place.
If you
are one of those couples, where the empty tank is giving a glowing signal, it
is not too late. Go hug your partner tonight and tell her how much you love
her.
P.S.: Dear Husband, I Love You. Now and Forever.