Why are men so scared of marriage?
Why modern independent women fret about union so much?
Why a married woman tells everyone that the courtship period was the best?
Why divorce rates are rising alarmingly?
Is marriage really that dreadful and gory?
Or is it just the fear of spending the rest of your life with that one person; sleeping besides him every night and waking up to him next to you every morning?
Is it the fear of sheer monotony?
I know I have probably asked you too many questions at once but think about it seriously. Why is the topic of matrimony so infamous amidst the youth these days?
Even a relationship, the so called “girlfriend-boyfriend” THING gets monotonous after six months. The couple fights even when they are dating and breaks up when it gets too much. Is breaking up the solution?
You will probably be with another person, get bored, fight and break up again. It will only be a series of break ups before you end up being lonely and alone.
Is the ease that one has in breaking up a relationship the reason why marriage is not preferred? Because DIVORCE somehow sounds more serious than a break up?
But then if that is the case why is the number of divorces hitting a soaring high?
Even though we all love the glorious “being-single” days we cannot be alone forever. We all need some stability in life. We all need someone to share our lives with. We all need to get married someday. I call it companionship.
I have been married for a year and a half and known my husband for a little over two years now. Courtship was not really the best time of my life like every married woman promises.
I mean it was nice. It felt like going out for weekly dates. There were these little gestures that told me he cares. But it was nothing extraordinary. Infact I feel things got more special after we got married.
Generally, a guy woos a girl insanely while they are in their courtship. The girl will be dressed to kill just for the boy. But once they get married they get so comfortable that they stop wooing each other.
This is where the couples make a mistake and the monotony sinks in.
The couple stops dating.
Either one of the two people in any marriage begins to sway when boredom starts seeping in. Then he/she requires a new source of entertainment, be it insane drinking with his/her yet to be married guy or girl friends or getting involved in an extra marital affair.
But why reach that stage, I ask. I know every relationship hits its emotionally low point and that is absolutely fine but it does not mean that you simply choose to take an exit.
Why not keep marriage exciting always. Why not put in the same effort that you had put in when you tried to get the very same girl you are married to today?
Husbands and wives do not need expensive gestures all the time. Little ones every now and then keep the relationship alive. So do not give up on each other.
Giving a few examples from what my husband and I do, just take a cue at the nature of little but cute gestures.
- My husband has a meeting; he spots a Starbucks outlet opposite the place and buys my favourite “lemon loaf cake”. Cost = 125 INR.
- I know he has had a long tiring day; there is some chicken already in the freezer. I cook him a chicken curry he absolutely loves. Cost = FREE!
- I make him origami
pigeons with YOU and ME written on their wings. Cost = FREE!
Made him these love birds :)
- I write him silly poems. Cost = PRICELESS
- He thanks me posting that poem on facebook (*eyes rolling*
BUT *blush* AND *coy smile*). Cost = PRICELESS!
my poem posted on fb
Now these few examples that I shared would sound really stupid to some and some might go “AWWW” (I belong to the latter category :p).
I know every individual is different, but the point is that one MUST express. And I literally mean EXPRESS. Just because you know in your heart that you love her does not mean that she would not mind those three words coming out from your lips.
Lets be honest, his parents will go someday and yours also will. Your kids will grow up and have their own lives. The only one you will have next to you ALL the time will be your spouse. So celebrate each other. Do not forget each other while fulfilling life's obligations.
Keep dating. Boy you continue to put in some effort to keep her interested and girl, you better keep yourself prim and proper for him and for yourself ofcourse! You two are probably too busy with your social circles, but do go out for a date once in a while and I DO NOT mean a double date but just the two of you.
Before I got married my mom and I used to go out for coffee. Alright we could have made coffee at home also, then why go out? I realised it is because when you are at home you are doing your own separate things. But going to a different place with a different ambience gives you a chance to talk, to catch up even being in the same house. We always ended up talking about things we had never thought we would talk about (Mom, I miss our coffee dates :( ).
I apply the same philosophy to marriage. The couple has to get out for these, lunch, dinner, movie and coffee dates to keep discovering new things about each other. If you have got kids leave them with the grandparents for a day, believe me they will love it too! (I say so, because my parents did so off and on. They were happy. We were happy.)
One has to understand that as a relationship grows older the two individuals also evolve and so there are new things to learn about each other. There is much more to explore as you grow older together.
And then they disparage marriage calling it monotonous! HUH!!
Marriage is a job you have to go to for the rest of your life. And yes you have to work at it! Give it your best shot. Don’t you work your a** off to get that measly raise? Then why a little effort in this job hurt so much.
Marriage is a life long journey. So always keep the vehicle’s tank called love full. If that empty sign starts blinking, do not stop the car and take a cab. It is just a signal telling you to get the fuel.
Falling in love is easy. Falling out of it is even easier. But falling in love over and over again with the very same person is the real task.
I do not hold a Masters degree in “Marriage” but being with my crazy yet adorable husband for two years now I have understood a few fundamentals of this appalling subject.
Respect your spouse. Love him/her. Make him/her your priority. And everything else in life will just fall in place.
If you are one of those couples, where the empty tank is giving a glowing signal, it is not too late. Go hug your partner tonight and tell her how much you love her.
P.S.: Dear Husband, I Love You. Now and Forever.
Beautifully expressed and well written .it is true that there is nobody in this whoe world better than the life partner.so, yes, he does deserve our small gestures of love..ReplyDelete
thank you :)Delete
thank you :)Delete
It is quite refreshing to read this lovely pro marriage story.
I am in the usa, and from this viewpoint, one knows in India they have Jyotish to say, yes to compatibility. This would make all the difference to me. Knowing that according to your birth charts, we are compatible, so come what may, at least one has that confidence.
Did you have your jyotish compatibility done?
Some points I found particularly appealing in the above:
- 'why not put in the same effort...' - keep things fresh....this would mean stay rested and don't get old and tired. Fatigue is the killer to relationships. Just too 'lazy' to get dressed nicely today or make other efforts (means, too tired).
I have found since I started Transcendenal Meditatioon (as taught by Maharishi Mahesh Yogi) that the knots of my heart have melted more and more and it is so much easier to appreciate the qualities on other and to love them more.
All this best to you dear, Ankita. May you and hubby evolve to the highest enlightened state.
hi... your name is not visible but it feels great to see your comment...coming to answering your questions.Delete
In India, if it is a love marriage then kundli matching (like you said jyotish compatibility) does not hold too much importance. However if the families of the people in love believe in Kundlis then they are matched. It varies from family to family.
But if we talk about arranged marriages then kundlis are generally matched. Our parents also got our kundlis matched. It is not always necessary to go to a temple or a pandit since there are softwares available online to do the same. However if a family believes in a certain guru, or pandit then they get the kundlis matched or rechecked from them.
Marriage is a beautiful relationship and i believe just like any other relationship you have to see the best in the other person. afterall we all have our vices. But to see good and think will bring you nothing but good.
If this post has touched you and made you think so share it with others. I wish you the very best for your future.
Upanishad: The husband is dear, not for the sake of the husband, but for the sake of the Self.ReplyDelete
Another: All love is directed to the Self, by the Self, for the Self.
hey I must say you are really beautiful and and I like the way you write. Though I am a college girl but still i could feel the depth in your thoughts. I read some of your blogs and just loved them. I don't read much blogs but the way you have expressed yourself forced me to read them. :)ReplyDelete
Thank you Tamanna. I must say I am flattered :). I am glad you liked the blog.ReplyDelete