Thursday, July 25, 2013

marriage: the tranquilizer

one of my favourite candid moments from our wedding

 all the philosophical gab (which i won't deny, i do a lot at times) and a piece of "it is the right thing to do " advice is generally easier said than done, specially when it comes to tackling an argument in a new marriage. before marriage both, the girl and the boy, will get all the worldly advice from the parents, relatives and the married friends(the singletons would just laugh it off). they would suggest "be patient, try to understand each other". others would say "bring the change for the better slowly and steadily". and then comes the best one "in a fight, if one gets hot headed, the other should remain calm". this post majorly concerns the last suggestion.

marriage is a union of two people. now, any two individuals cannot be the same. so in most cases marriage brings together two very different people. the differences can be on diverse grounds which can be as petty as the movies they like or the way they dress up. it can be about food or about the places they want to visit. and then there are bigger and deeper differences which concern the nature and behaviour. while one is an extrovert the other can be an introvert. one is outgoing the other wants to be home. the two of them can have extremely different temperaments

it is ironical, while the two individuals in a new marriage differ in views they mostly seem to be alike when it comes to being stubborn. however, as you grow old with the marriage and your spouse, you change as a person. you become more mature. you have a better understanding of each others' needs and start letting go off that adamant streak in you. marriage is like a tranquilizer. it calms you down with time. it makes your tolerance power (immune system in the relationship) stronger (this philosophical gab proves to be true. the medicine called marriage tried and tested :p).

i remember, in the initials months of our marriage, if me and my husband disagreed on something we would both go crazy (it is natural). there were times when i could not understand my husband's sullen mood and started talking about a certain painting that i liked at the store or about something he was least interested in at that point of time. witnessing his lack of interest, i would crib and fight.

but with time marriage makes you more sober, you learn to acknowledge and respect the differences.   i realised this today, infact this morning. i was talking about the blinds for a window in the house, my husband got a call that ruined his mood (after all this time-8 months, i understood that his mind is occupied ), the radio was on and  a conversation was taking place regarding the suitable flooring for different areas of the house. since it was about interiors and i too was talking about that before the mood got all brooding, i knew the radio conversation would irk my husband and would make his mood worse, so instead of rubbing in the topic i switched to another radio channel. now generally i would go on with my "yap yap" (i have got the gift of gab lol) but during the drive i chose to be quiet till my husband got normal and started talking again.

my husband too has got the composing effect of popping in the marriage pill. there are times when i behave churlishly and he puts up with it trying to understand my problem to the best of his ability.

this is what marriage does to you. it helps you pacify and deal with a situation in a better way. it assists  you to think about things from a broader perspective with a cool mind and a pragmatic approach.

this tranquilizer called marriage is so effective, and evolves your personality in such a way that before you know, this calmer approach and thought process would not  just restrict to marriage but would help you in every phase of life .

P.S. : we are allowed to behave childishly and crazily once in a while. it is human :p.

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